You don’t need to fix everyone—you just need to change your response in the pattern.
When conflict or stress happens:
1. Zoom out
- What is the pattern—not just the moment?
2. Identify the loop
- What am I doing?
- How are others responding?
3. Check roles
- Am I reacting the same way every time?
4. Watch communication
- Do my words match my tone?
- Am I being clear or indirect?
5. Adjust your part
- Change your response → changes the system
Core Idea:
👉 Stop blaming. Start noticing patterns.
Adult
- Describe the situation:
- Who is involved?
- What is each person doing?
- What pattern do you see?
- (e.g., argue → withdraw → escalate)
- What role do you usually take?
- What is one change you can make?
- What outcome do you want instead?
Teen
- What situation keeps happening?
- What do I usually do?
- ☐ Shut down
- ☐ Argue
- ☐ Avoid
- ☐ Try to fix everything
- What do others do?
- What pattern do we repeat?
- What’s one way I can break the cycle?
- What outcome do I want?
Children
- What happened?
- ✏️ Draw or write
- Who was there?
- How did everyone act?
- 😡 Mad
- 😢 Sad
- 😶 Quiet
- 😄 Happy
- What can we do better next time?
- Who can help fix it?